Fitting Out as Fitting In
I discovered that I was drifting without rudder or compass, swept in all directions by influence from custom, tradition, fashions waged by standards uncritically accepted from my friends, my family, my countrymen, my ancestors. Were these reliable guides for one’s life? I could not assume that they were, for everywhere around me I saw old ways of doing things breaking down and proving inadequate.
Marion Milner A Life of One’s Own
As a child my early schooldays were happy ones, I remember showing up to my first day at primary school with my name written out on a piece of paper as I wasn’t sure the teacher would be able to spell it. As it happened Mrs Broadhead did just fine, peering through her stern black glasses as she copied it carefully into the register.
The years progressed from one classroom to another until at seven years old I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Suddenly I was treated differently, always held by the hand by a dinner lady at the break, allowed to leave school ten minutes early in order to avoid the traffic.
It was my first real experience of not quite ‘fitting in’, not meeting the ‘standards’, of being ‘different.’ But it certainly wasn’t my last. As the years have gone by the description has moved from ‘epileptic’ to ‘eclectic’ and increasingly I find myself growing into ‘eccentric’; a description that I fully intend to grow into and embrace.
Many, many times in a conference, discussion or mentoring session someone will ask me, ‘how can I be myself at work?’
What people often really mean is how can I feel safe and valued when I perhaps don’t ‘fit the norm’ in some way? How can I find a way to use the gifts that I feel that I have? In spite of the fact that they don’t quite fit with the way the world around me seems to be saying it wants me to be?
Marion Milner’s quote was written in 1932, and yet feels to me that it was written for today.
The old ways of doing things definitely seem to be breaking down around us right now, and I am inspired by the many who are noticing the opportunity that could emerge as a result of that. Whether it’s the chance to humanise organisations, the opportunity to truly pay attention to the inequalities in society, or the realisation that we really have changed our behaviours in a way that is allowing our world to breathe again. I wonder what it will take to really seize those opportunities? To allow ‘what could be’ to emerge?
In the words of my favourite poet, John O’Donohue
One of the deepest longings of the human soul is to be seen.
Perhaps the world has all it needs to make the most of these opportunities?
Perhaps one gift that I could offer to others is to truly see and celebrate others for who they are, not for their ability to ‘fit in?
Perhaps I could be curious about the aspects of others that may be being hidden or suppressed?
Perhaps I could encourage and celebrate precisely those aspects others may most fear sharing with the world?
Perhaps I could support and encourage others those who are experiencing ‘fitting out’ helping to sustain them in enabling new perspectives to be revealed?
Perhaps that might allow a little more of humanities gifts to emerge, to stand a chance of making a difference in our world?
Celebrating others seems to me to be an opportunity to cheerlead and sustain those who are prepared to place themselves on the edge. Those who seek to stimulate the system in a way that helps it to become healthier, and who are constantly at risk of being rejected like a virus.
I find myself reflecting on the words of Sue Heatherington at the end of her book ‘Quiet Disruptors’;
It is worth it
You are worth it
And the world needs who you are becoming
So don’t give up.
